TWO YEARS.
In an effort to get you up to speed, here's what's happened in my life in the last couple years:
* I met an amazing inspiring and supportive human being and fell in love and we have lived together in a committed relationship for over 2 years.
* I finished my law degree and graduated
*I got a job as Litigation Support Officer in Crime at Legal Aid
* I completed by practical legal training
* I was admitted as a Solicitor
* I got a pracicing certificate
* I have done my first appearances in courts
* I finally realised 'dieting' is not the answer to any of my problems, and committed to cooking healthier meals and exercising regularly. I've lost over 12 kgs and I feel happier and healthier than ever.
* I shaved my head to raise money for Cancer research.
* I made a decision to take a break from law now that I am admitted, and focus on my music full time.
...It's been a huge couple of years when I list it all out like that.
I am really proud of what i've achieved.
What surprises me most is that, over the past two years, I have developed an ability to hone in on, and really crystalize the areas of my life which needed work, and I have then worked on/will continue to work on those areas until I was/am satisfied and proud of what I have achieved. For years I have been very airy fairy about the things that I want, and even more vague about how I might go about getting them. I kept my ideals and my goals vague to avoid the dissapointment of not fulfilling them.
Something that has really complimented and helped with this, (which is also what has prompted me to start blogging again) is this: I signed up for the Michelle Bridges 12wbt. Now, I am still a newbie. I've only been doing the program for a couple of weeks- but what it's taught me just in those couple of weeks has really concreted in me the core values I attribute to being successful in achieving my goals- not just weight/health related goals, but any goal that I set for myself.
Here are my mantras:
* I am young and reasonably healthy. I do not want to waste my youth or my health (both of which I will not have forever) feeling lethargic, unhappy and self concious. This doesn't mean I am going to physically punish myself on a daily basis- but it does mean I am going to make a concerted effort to do something for my physical well-being everyday- and not only am I going to do that something- but I am going to marvel in and relish every day I can run, play, sweat and puff and have fun with all my functioning limbs and joints etc. I'm going to remember that I am lucky to have my body, and that it is a miracle, and that I must love and look after it.
* I am not perfect and I will most definitely have my off days- whether it be because I don't feel like exercising, or because I eat twice my calorie intake for a meal etc these days are going to happen. And there is no sense in hating on myself or punishing myself over these days. I am human after all, and there will be slip ups. Holding myself to an impossible standard is going to have a negative effect on me mentally- which in turn will effect my habits. What's important is that when I sense that I am having one of these days, I either just effing do it anyway ( and let the endorphines do their thing!) or I just focus on minimising any negative impact my 'blergh' feeling might have on my body. Realistically, punishing myself and/or the added guilt of not working out will just make me feel more crappy. What's important is consistency. My body deserves that at the very least.
* Time to mind my inner monologue!
I think for me it's also important to do a bit of soul searching on those days I'm feeling rubbish and unmotivated, and make sure the reason I'm feeling crappy is not because my old negative self talk and self sabotage monologues are whispering in my ear again. Whilst I've worked really hard recently to become my own personal cheerleader and convince myself that I deserve to feel healthy and happy- it's still really surprising how often I will hear that little voice in my head tell me things like "you're not built for this- you've always been overweight- it's just the way things are- this program/run/workout won't change that".
I liken this internal fight to an old cherokee legend I heard once where an old cherokee tells his grandson that "he sees a fight is going on inside of him ...it is a terrible fight between two wolves..one wolf if good, and does no harm, is kind and slow to anger, the other wolf is bad, quick tempered, jealous and full of negativity and anger" The grandson asks "which wolf will win?" and the old cherokee responds.."The one you feed."
I think the first step toward whatever goal you're aiming for is beleiving that you can attain it, and you'll never do that if you don't STOP feeding that bad wolf/ that voice that tells you it's too hard, you're no good at it, it's easier not to try. You DO deserve it. You CAN do it.
Anywho....
Those are my little ditties getting me through the first couple weeks of the 12 WBT program, and also closer to my other personal goals I have set for myself for the coming months/years.
Below is a vague attempt at before and after shot- and I'd like to stress- I chose these photos based on my memory of how I felt at the time, not how I looked.
You'll be hearing from me again soon,
Til then, be good to yourselves
bRee xxx
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